We don’t want nothin’ from you
So you’d might as well take it back – Pint Shot Riot
I have recently switched over to ‘barefoot running’. It’s not truly running barefoot. You wear a special shoe what, basically, has a zero drop heel or something called ‘flats’. It shifts your body into what it was designed to do.
After a couple of years of ITB, knee and foot issues, I had to try it. It’s an odd feeling. Sort of like you are running in your slippers. For years my quadriceps took a beating and I didn’t know why. Now my calves are aching and for once, I think that is correct.
Still, with my new running, old memories remain. I have a nasty habit of projecting improbably or truly dour futures as I puff down the pavement. My shrink stated once that it was an attempt to control the future, which, of course, we can’t.
I agree with him. I can’t control the future, but I constantly try to deal with something that has never happened.
It extends to all parts of my family. I see loved ones pass on and I think of how I will react. I think this is something stemming from discovering your mortality too early in life. Being a child who ascertains that they can die isn’t a normal circumstance. It's a crime against all children that is played out all too often.
Gone are the immortal teen years. Gone is bulletproof quality of your twenties. You tend to look behind ever bush and under every rock. You literally wait for the signal. I have been through more funerals in my mind than I care to count. I even have the music selected for the ceremonies and what I would wear.
I went with more hills today. Damn hills. I hate them. I keep resetting my body to be in the proper running form. Fatigue makes that harder. Head up. Arms at forty-five degrees then forty-five degrees more and pulled slightly behind you.
Everything comes and goes no matter where you hide
I won't let you take everything that I deserve
Timing is the melody behind every word
So get in where you fit in
Time to put in on the line – Pop Evil
I always wait for those endorphins to give me that runner’s high I read about. I know they work. Maybe that is what keeps me from total depression. Like prayers to fend off some unholy monster, I start my Thankful List. I go over it constantly until my music fills my head. I even play a little air bass or guitar. Anything as a distraction. The clouds stretch for miles as they rest in a pillow of blue background. It really is a beautiful place to live, this little planet.
I am on a downhill now. I crack myself up as a G35 coupe races up past me. I am flying downhill and I give it an extra kick in case the person in the car is watching. Yes I do this a lot. Image is everything. In my head it needs to be.
I am strong. I am healthy. I will continue to be so.
I round the bend. Another hill. Damn hill.
I’ll give you all……and have none
Just to have you hear by me – Billy Idol
No pain in the knees. None in my feet. My calves protest but no big deal. I am thirsty and dehydrated. That was stupid. A sidebar showing of my impatience. If you want to do this, you do it right.
The tendrils recede back into my mind. The funerals are put to sleep for now. It is going to be sunny today. Deep breathing commences.
I’ll have another chance to run tomorrow.
That's a future I can control.