For the most part, I blog to create a reality that some may not understand. Many instances are inspirational to some, many are simply informational/casual to others.
There is a battle that isn't discussed but, rather, hinted at, glossed over, or scientifically/politically cleansed. It's the ultimate battle - the battle within.
Physical trauma. Emotional upheaval. Call it what you need to call it. D) all of the above.
I've stated the fact before - The roller coaster ride will start without giving notice and all you can do is hang on.
Maybe one isn't as helpless as that statement rings. But it does ring of some truth.
The range of emotion ebbs and flows from calm to calamity. Pain to healing. Psychotic to well-being.
Some of these emotions are absolutes....then again, you sign the treatment papers that states you will have all of these side effects or you will have none at all.
See? Absolute...
True or false - yes.
A patient turns into the ultimate roulette wheel. Spinning, forever spinning until the ride is over.
Where you stop depends on the minute, hour or day.
Anger - Go ahead....make my day. Who are you and why are you in my way? And how dare you assume you know what I am going through. Don't ask me to be normal just to make you feel comfortable. Your job is to excuse me while I take it out on you and know that I don't really mean it.
Sadness - Why me? You will see a ripple from your shore to the horizon and you only hope you get to continue to see the sun set and rise. See Anger.
Depression - More why me. What's next in every sense of the word. Sleep can be difficult making being awake more painful. The future isn't what you thought it would be.
Sobriety - This is it. I go forth. I can't do anything about it so I am going forward. Today I am resolute - tomorrow...we'll see.
Impatient - Well? Let's get started. You've been threatening me since Day 1 so let's dance. Let's go. I have a life to lead.
Bravery - Head held high, you aren't taking me down. Attitude is everything. Mine is just fine. Bring it.
Fear - I know nothing of what you tell me. And the internet has everything from real life medical publications on my disease to places where voodoo is still practiced. In fact, all of this is witchcraft to me. Stop it from spinning.....just stop it.
But the wheel continues to spin. There are hundreds of shades to every inner thought. Too many avenues to take and too many tributaries being formed to keep it all straight in your head.
There will be moments of calm in the eye of the storm. Today you step forward an inch little by little until at the end of the day, you are across the hall.
Don't bother looking back - you are HERE.
Survivors who thrive today live their new normal. It's not even 'new' any longer - just normal. Their normal. Our normal.
Maybe that's why, after the plunge, the air tastes that much sweeter when you break the surface.
