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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Changes 2015

*Author's note - all embedded videos can be viewed on laptop*

"You gotta be willing to take the hits..."

2015 is here. I salute you for getting here. Hell, I salute anyone who got here.

We don't give ourselves enough credit for the journey. We always want the goal.

Well, here's to the journey...remember to relish each and every step.

This is also the time of year where resolutions abound - I tend to make them as the year goes on but for tradition's sake I'll give it my best shot.

- I will listen more, and talk less
- I will write till I am sick of it then I will write some more
- I will be as fit as I possibly can - sole reason for being there for those around me
- I will attempt to find balance in all things, life, work, and play
- More green veggies
- READ more
- LAUGH more
- SMILE more
- I will keep moving as best as I can. I find moving makes all of the other resolutions easier
- I will be myself to the best of my ability and apologize to no one
- I will give more of my time
- I will work on patience for all things
- I will dream more
- I will say I love you more

These are short list items....most of us have them as a To Do.

As we stand at the precipice of 2015, we stick our toe in the water to see what we are in for - truth is, we have no idea. We find comfort in the fact that will embrace the same old routine as we did last year but if you look back it wasn't exactly the same now was it?

Spread your arms and dive in.

2015 will be ours for the taking. We will own all of the victories and all of the bruises.

We will have patience with the baby steps forward, and we will have hope with the major steps backward.

We will laugh more.
We will cry more.
We will know that we make a difference to one or many.
We will lend a hand and a heart.
We will not ignore a cry for help.
We will know that there is work to be done in life.

We are willing to work on ourselves because the best 'you' that you can be makes this world a place worth saving....

Enjoy your accomplishments.....more to come....2015. Own it.

Have a happy and safe New Year...

I appreciate you and I am thankful for all that you are.

JM


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Obsession


I want the future now.

I've often said, especially when someone is first diagnosed, that there is no better time than here or now for medical miracles.

They didn't exist 50, 30 or, for some, even 10 years ago like they do today.

Still, I'm borderline obsessed.

On the hour, I seem to have to remind myself that I'm alive...breathing....thankful.

Still....there's an obsession.

I've had the fallout. I've had the shock. I've had the cure.

What about the scars?

I don't mean what you can/cannot see. I don't mean those squiggly, jagged folds of skin that healed long ago. It's not the stapled areas in your chest or the scar that runs down your arm.

These are what I call, the topical scars. They never go away so I don't fight them. Muscle and hair don't hide them so why bother?

There are other fallouts that I haven't discussed.

I'm obsessed.

Stem Cells. Regenerative properties. Proteolytic enzymes. Hormone therapies. HGH.

I want what was taken from me and I don't care why. I actually don't know why...yet.

But my obsession comes with a price.

My dreams have been invaded with doctors I've never met - All promising me reversal of some of the fallout.

The guilt over the audacity and selfishness of my ask hits the back of my head like a hammer. Those Catholic days are never far behind.

I believe in my heart that the reversal treatments are within reach. I don't want to wait. I don't want go a generation. I want the experiment. I want to be first.

It's as if my Id is in full bloom. It wants what it wants when it wants it.

Then I realize, what a wonderful thing to live a generation more. More guilt. More thankfulness.

The wrestling of 2 halves. Hang on and enjoy or take what I want. It's all mental. All restless nature. Fix it. Do it now.

I have to go back into my mind and strap myself into a hospital bed. Hook in the tubes that stuck out of my side, through my nose, down my lungs, between my ribs...

Walk the hall when one leg couldn't bend because of the glued scar that ran its length. Breathe in a tube no matter how much it hurt.

Online research after online site. Query after query. Doctor after doctor.

Maybe it's an obsession.

Actually, I know it is.